But this one time… at band camp

Once upon a time, there lived a daring broad who was down for an adventure in any corner of the world… except ocean-related activities. Hurl myself out of a plane – sure. Meander through a Latin American jungle – sign me up. Hold a wild monkey for the sake of a picture – what’s the worst that can happen? Ask me to go past my shins in crystal clear water – go to hell.

But there was this one time at band camp (kudos to those of you who catch the reference) that my husband somehow convinced me to snorkel in Grand Turk. There’s bound to be skeptics who question the potential exaggeration of this post, which is exactly why I’ve included photographic proof. Does this look like the face of someone who’s excited to suit up, swim and explore among the fish? If you could insert a caption for this photo, what would it be? Let me help you. “Dear new husband, you’ll spend the rest of your life paying the price for making me swim in the world’s largest public toilet, no matter how pretty it is.”

I won’t bore you with the details of how I came to dislike swimming in anything other than a pool; however, I’m happy to share what happens when you don’t follow your gut and respectfully decline your husband’s request to bond in a danger zone.

The story goes something like this: Wife concedes. Husband is genuinely happy. Native guide announces that there is a “friendly shark” who resides in the vicinity as soon as husband is successful in getting wife into the water… yah that just about covers it.

A) There’s really no such thing as a friendly shark. Various other adjectives come to mind but friendly doesn’t make the list.

B) How polite of him to make the announcement once we’re actually IN the water and he’s in the comfort of the pontoon boat. Schmuck.

C) I spend the rest of the excursion completing a mental risk assessment and ensuring that I’m the closest snorkeler to the pontoon ladder so I’m least likely to become shark bait.

General gist of this story: I can think of numerous ways to spend $199, none of which include freestyle swimming with a shark, and this experience was unsuccessful in helping me overcome a fear of water.

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